You see the craziness with which people attack wedding planning. Just turn on a lifestyle channel on the weekends and you’ll see people worried about colours, place settings, dresses and venues. But what thought do they give to the marriage?

The same happens in parenthood. We prepare like heck for the birth, by taking classes and decorating rooms – but what thought do we give to the life about to begin?

Alanis Morissette has a post at iVillage this week where she talks about how shockingly unprepared she was for parenthood (just like the rest of us).

No one told me about postpartum. And when they did, their shared recollections were semi-hazy and greatest hits-esque. They made the after-the-baby-is-born era sound somewhat idyllic, if they remembered it at all. So, as I was wont to do, I put their stories together, composite-style, into a fantasy that included bursting into blissful tears, buoyed by clouds and surrounded by cherub angels gushing how the lil’ one’s lips were his father’s and his deep contemplative gaze mine.

Cue record scratching sound.

Not the first time there were other parts, beyond the fantasy, that I hadn’t considered. I had used, as usual, the I’ll-rise-to-that-occasion-when-I-get-there approach to the post-child-bearing journey, so all my DVD-watching and focus went toward the birth experience itself, and how best to prepare myself for that (as though I really could prepare for a Human. Being. Coming. Out. Of. My. Body.).

Perhaps there was a method to my huge oversight, a necessary judiciousness exercised for the sake of not being overwhelmed during the big lead-up to this new role. So I found myself lying there, stunned, humbled, overcome, reduced…the final push serving as a portal that hurtled me, irrevocably into this new uncharted territory and state that I had yet to wrap my Oxytocin-riddled brain around.

You can read the rest of her entry here

I have a favorite book I like to recommend for new dads. Be Prepared focusses on what happens right after the baby is born. If mom is going to be all worried about having “a Human. Being. Coming. Out. Of. My. Body.” then the least Dad can do is Be Prepared for what comes next.

What was your experience like? Were you as unprepared as Alanis?

 

Minimum wage in Alberta is $9.40 an hour. We have a live-in nanny that makes $9.61, when we have a babysitter, she charges us $10 an hour.

Our nanny picks up our son from school, entertains both our boys all day and does some light housework. We also make deductions for room, board and taxes, so her actual take home money is closer to $7 or $8 an hour. We don’t do any of that for our 16 year old soccer player from around the corner, it’s all cash under the table for her.

I did a quick survey on Twitter and found most parents are paying $8-$10 an hour. One is paying $12 an hour, but she hires sitters in their 20s, as opposed to neighborhood teens.

Still, that’s a good deal, the people behind me at the hockey game last night were debating staying until the final horn because they pay their babysitter $13 an hour.

The dad in group had a good solution to babysitting rates. “Babysitters should get less money when the kids are asleep,” he said.

Of course. After the kids are asleep the teen is just getting paid $13 an hour to tweet, text and watch MTV.

How much do you pay babysitters?

Movember madness is sweeping the world again this year. From the dirty to scruffy to sad, Mo Bros across the planet are growing it out to support prostate cancer awareness and research.

Our wives may hate it, but cmon, it’s for charity (and guys like this time of year as a chance to channel our inner Tom Selleck.)

Even your kids can take part in Movember with some easy to find clip art. A simple cut and paste and you can turn any baby pic into a fabulous movember masterpiece. Your daughter can have a foo man chu, your son can have the dastardly villainous handlebar, you can even put a frothy captain’s moustache on your wife.

Here are the downloads for the free moustache and beard vector clip art. (pack 1) (pack 2)

Scott Mills, a presenter on BBC Radio 1 came up with an ingenious way for his co-host, Becky, to take part. She’s printed off a moustache stencil and will shave around it growing a mo on her knee. At the end of the month they’ve promised to draw a face to go with the mo.

Don’t forget to add a Movember Twibbon to your Twitter and Facebook photos to help spread the movement (your wife and kids can do this too)

How’s your Mo, bro?

Halloween is an excellent time to take the pulse of a community. You can really tell your neighborhood’s age and spirit by the volume of candy in a bowl by your door.

To monitor it you could do some fancy statistical analysis or you could just look at two hashtags on Twitter. #kidcount and #yyc are the tags people are using to track trick or treaters in their communities around Calgary.

Many are talking about few if any kids coming around.

@MalloryEvasiuk wonders where all the trick-or-treaters are in #yyc i remember as a kid mom would count 300+ kids per year i have had 10 #sad #morecandy4me

@TSG36 I had a total of 3 kids this year-3 more than last yr…where are all the trick or treaters in New Brighton?! #kidcount #Halloween2011 #yyc

@DarciBrianne Only 41 kids tonight. Thats depressing considering we used to get about 150-200. =( #yyc #kidcount #shawnessy

@JenFuchs Next kid that comes gets the rest of the bowl! #kidcount #yyc

I had a blast walking the 4 blocks around our neighborhood with my son tonight. I stood at the sidewalk chatting with other parents, laughing and smiling at the kids and their costumes.

I soaked in the enthusiasm of youth and bathed in the politeness of my boy saying “Thank you! Happy Halloween!” to each neighbour and then bounding down the driveway announcing “Daddy, I got more candy!” as if it was some biblical breaking of bread and fish that was producing his bounty.

@Pistachio we fell in with a crew of 5 neighbor kids and 2 other parents and our posse of 10 had a grand time going door-to-door and chatting.

That’s what this night is supposed to be about. The normal quiet streets of suburbia bursting at the seams with giggles, sharing and small talk.

Then you scroll the hashtags and you find that this neighborly enthusiasm wasn’t a city-wide event. Then you see what the schools are doing by discouraging kids to dress up and you see the spirit of the season start to fade. Not everyone was on the streets mingling.

Kiri W wrote a great post today with 7 reasons why you should take your kids out.

Halloween is one of the only times in the year that it’s normal to knock on the door of an unknown person, have that person happily open the door, have a bit of a conversation and leave with everyone feeling good about it.

Shopping centres host trick-or-treating events because it gets a prime demographic through the doors to spend a couple hours window-shopping. They’re billed as “safe” alternatives, giving the false impression that neighbourhood trick-or-treating somehow isn’t safe. Taking your kids to the mall instead of exploring your neighbourhood sends your kids the message that commercial entities are preferred (more trusted?) than people down your street. [source]

It’s all about breathing life into the community and sharing a festival with friends and strangers alike.

I wonder why the numbers are shrinking? Stats Canada says the population of trickers and treaters (5-14) is dwindling in the country, but I live in a community surrounded by 3 schools 5 playgrounds and the houses are less than 8 years old. This is a “young family community.”

If you took your kids to the mall for Halloween, you’re part of the problem. Stop being afraid that something bad is going to happen. There were dozens of us on the streets having fun tonight. It should have been hundreds.

What was your kid count? Who do you think is killing Halloween?

My sons have yet to attend meaningful schooling. They’ve yet to play any meaningful sports. Their greatest accomplishments are things like rolling over, learning to talk, reaching the taps in the bathroom without a stool and going to the dentist without crying.

So I haven’t really had a chance to boast about either of my boys – until this week.

My son is on a box of Cheerios. Let me say it again. CHARLIE IS ON A BOX OF CHEERIOS!

Last year we entered him in the Cheerios Milestones contest. The grand prize was a $10 000 RESP from TD Bank. That’s worth an entry, I thought.

You had to write a paragraph about how Cheerios were part of a milestone in your son or daughter’s life. For us, as with many, Cheerios marked the first solid food our boys could eat on their own. I told the story about how Zacharie would help us make sure there were only 5 Cheerios on Charlie’s tray because if there was any more, he would throw them around the kitchen. So Cheerios became a counting tool and a finger food.

In January I received a call from General Mills saying Charlie (nickname The Chooch) had come in second in the contest. That meant a year’s supply of Cheerios AND .. .. .. HIS PICTURE ON THE BOX!

The best part about Charlie winning is that our oldest, Zacharie, has always thought he was on a Cheerios box. When he was 3 this picture was in the bottom corner. He insisted it was him in the photo – it’s not. So when Charlie won the contest we reminded Zacharie it was “Charlie’s turn to be on the Cheerios box.”

We’re pretty certain The Chooch was the cutest out of the 20 finalists in the contest, but congratulations to Melody for picking up the grand prize and to all the kids who get bragging rights for a lifetime .. pictures on a Cheerios box!

The prize winning box is on shelves across Canada. Point at The Chooch and wave tomorrow morning over breakfast.

Jian Ghomeshi got the fires burning this week on CBC Radio 1‘s Q with a discussion about whether or not the so-called “glass ceiling” women experience in the workplace is self inflicted. The specific question was: “is motherhood to blame?“

The answer is easy. Yes.

Dutch economist Heleen Mees argues the problem is that too many women prioritize motherhood over their careers. Yet, workplace management expert Penny de Valk says women should have a right to choose how they want to spend their life, and employers need to do more to accommodate them.
[source]

My wife came off maternity leave in January, she didnt get a job until this fall. Okay, fine – the economy is in a bad spot and getting a gig isnt easy for anyone. She had over a dozen years experience as a wine rep and was consistently the top seller in her company. She was the one shuffled in to rehabilitate territories when the other people in the company weren’t pulling their weight. She’s a people person, she’s good at what she does.

We moved from Vancouver to Calgary when she was pregnant – that was part of the trouble finding a job – she had no contacts here and the marketplace is very cliquey. Employers hired who they knew or their contacts knew.

Still, she fought on.

In each interview she would have to explain how she was coming off mat leave and was in a new city. And in each interview she was asked “who’s going to look after your kids?”

When I came for an interview in Calgary, nobody asked me who was going to look after my kids. Nobody asks me how I’ll be able to juggle marathon training with my work schedule. Nobody asks me what I’ll do if my kids are sick and there’s no childcare.

But they asked my wife.

Frankly, it’s none of their business and employers who ask that of interviewees are crossing a personal line that belongs in the same field as racism.

A new study shows that people with immigrant sounding last names are less likely to get a call for interviews.

According to University of Toronto researchers Philip Oreopoulos and Diane Dechief, applications submitted by people with English-sounding names are 47 per cent more likely to receive callbacks than those with Indian or Chinese ones in Toronto, 39 per cent more likely in Montreal, and 20 per cent more likely in Vancouver. [source]

It’s why a friend of mine changed his Persian first name to Tony on his resume.

Women in that wheelhouse of 28-38 experience that same prejudice. Employers wondering if they’re hiring a breeder who they will train just to see on the sidelines in 6 months, 1 year or 2 years.

My wife was in that breeding wheelhouse when we got pregnant. She was 35, the same month a promotion came open. She didn’t go for it knowing she’d be 6 months into the job before going off for a year. She missed her window of opportunity. Whe she came to work after our first she was only in the field for 18 months before heading off on mat leave again.

When she told her manager (the one who got the promotion she didn’t go for) that she was pregnant and taking leave, she was greeted with “well that was your choice.”

Her manager was a woman.

My wife has a job now with a company that values her. She’s underpaid, but is appreciated. She could be managing a territory the size of Alberta and overseeing a dozen reps, her intuition, sales skills, experience and understanding of her industry warrant it, but she’s slogging it in the trenches, trying to catch up with 5 years of motherhood.

Why do women not get paid as much as men? Because of those 3, 4 or 5 lost wage earning years. Those are years without raises. Those are years without work experience growing. Those are years where career opportunity is missed.

Don’t let anyone tell you the glass ceiling doesn’t exist, it does. It’s her womb.

The way moms are treated when they come back to the workplace (who’s looking after your kids? what will you do if they’re sick? are you having any more?) is wrong. A woman going for a job interview should be judged on her skills and experience relevant to that job.

But (and there’s always a but) should women who choose motherhood expect the same career opportunities and salary as those who don’t? No. And there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just the way it is.

I keep writing articles about unplugging and experiencing life because I need to remind myself to do it.

I play with the iPhone at the park.  I will excuse myself at dinner to go to the bathroom (check my messages).  I am guilty of being plugged in to the borg when I should be experiencing the wonder of my children.

So I write the articles about unplugging as an exercise.  The technological addiction is passing on to my children.  My youngest, 22-month old Charlie gets excited by the slightest glimpse of an iPad, iPhone or portable video player.  He will swipe and swap between games and videos all day – if you let him.

So I write articles about turning off the power to try and bring the practice to my own life.

Lately the mantra has moved to bedtime stories as the new book, Goodnight iPad, has been woven into our night night routine.

Author David Milgram wrote the parody book under the pen name Ann Droyd. The classic original, Goodnight Moon, written by Margaret Wise Brown in 1947 gets a swift update as the quiet fireplace and toys are replaced by a raucous family that would rather play games, watch tv and read eBooks than go to bed.

Each device is eventually unplugged by a frustrated mother who curls up at the end with a simple flashlight and a copy of the classic before bed.

As with each night time tome, my sons and I play a game of “I Spy” with the illustrations in the book.  They quickly identify all the technology and gaming gadgets while simpler things, like night stands and fireplaces go unnoticed.

It’s time to unplug and get back to the simpler things, I keep reminding myself. Hopefully this book will help remind my kids too.

Goodnight iPad will be released on October 27, but is available for pre-order now.

I was a bad dad today. A terrible, horrible, awful, not very good one. But sometimes you have to be, and it’s awesome.

My son hates getting wet. Can’t stand a splash on his sleeve or drop on his drawers. The moment he’s damp, he’s naked. I brought him to a radio promotion at a car dealership, my co-host brought her new puppy. My son played with the dog’s water, spilled it on his shirt – and immediately stripped down faster than you can say fahrvergnugen.

So what do I do on our daddy date to Calgary’s Calaway Park (the local amusement park)? I take him on the log ride.

“I don’t want to get wet, Daddy!” he whined while we waited in line. Each log would tip over the edge and cascade in a huge splash every 30 seconds.

“We won’t get wet,” I lied. “See how the water splashes OUTSIDE the log?”

He wasn’t buying it, but the line moved fast enough that I could get him into a seat and past the point of no return. The first bump came and my jig was up.

“I DONT WANT TO BE WET!” he screamed. Thankfully, he kept his shirt on.

“I WANT OUT!” was his next demand as he clawed the side of the ride.

We tipped over the top edge and screamed toward the puddle at the bottom – and got soaked.

Oh, he was not happy. Bawling, screaming, wailing like I had beaten him the entire 45 seconds of our trip on the water.

I immediately raced to the photo booth at the end of the ride and forked over $9 for the picture. A ridiculous amount, but when you’re a bad dad you’ve got to pay your penance to have the moment captured forever.

I was a bad dad today. And it was the best day ever. I’ve got the pictures and video to prove it.

My kids are picky eaters. Very picky. Just look at this video of Zacharie reacting to a lasagna noodle with sauce *gasp* touching his tongue.

When something in on his plate that he doesn’t like, he distinctly informs us “I didnt order this.”

Noodles must be plain. Period.

So my wife and I dont get the luxury of being sneaky chefs and stuffing the sauce with cauliflower, zucchini and vegetables to help him get his fill. But I wonder, is this the right thing to be doing anyway?

We’ve been given the books by Missy Chase Lapine and Jessica Seinfeld, but they sit unopened on the shelf. I read the blog recipes, like this one this morning giving tips to get bananas into ice cream, but I wonder – are we doing our kids any favours by being “sneaky chefs”?

By sneaking the good in with the bad are we just encouraging the craving for the bad instead of nurturing an appreciation for the good?

You may know how to get cauliflower into macaroni and cheese, beets into chocolate cake and zucchini into spaghetti sauce – but that’s not how it’s done in the real world.

For now, we’re still trying the negotiations to get our son to broaden his palate, and it works – sometimes.

Are *you* a sneaky chef? What are your reasons?

I love going to the library with my son. There’s one next to the grocery store and we’ll refill the bedtime book list each week when we also get a loaf of bread, a container of milk and a stick of butter.

Those books are great and have brought back great memories. One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, Caps For Sale and others have been fine trips down memory lane for me. Learning some new favorites, like those by Oliver Jeffers or the Skippyjon Jones series have been fun too. But this week a new night time book was brought into rotation – from our iPad.

I have a number of fun learning apps for my kids on the device, and a few books too, but The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr Morris Lessmore was not just something to leave them lying on the carpet messing with on their own, this was an entry into Bedtime Stories 2.0 that was to be shared by father and son.

The The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr Morris Lessmore iPad app (book) comes from an award winning animated short film of the same produced by Moonbot Studios.

Its a video game, its a movie, its a story.

These are the kinds of literary experiences our kids will grow up with. There’s the novelty of the page turn to break each interactive experience, but each step of the story lets the kids dive in and twirl a house, tape together a ripped image or make the books dance in the wind.

This kind of story experience is something that takes what lives in a child’s imagination and manifests it on the screen. Bedtime books will never be the same.

The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr Morris Lessmore – $4.99 in the App Store