Comments for DadCAMP http://www.dad-camp.com A Site For Creative And Modern Parenting Fri, 6 Aug 2010 07:00:18 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 Comment on Any TV Is Too Much TV Under Two by the wahdad http://www.dad-camp.com/2009/10/any-tv-is-too-much-tv-under-two/comment-page-1/#comment-301 the wahdad Fri, 06 Aug 2010 07:00:18 +0000 http://www.dad-camp.com/?p=1060#comment-301 My wife and I did not have a tv before we got married, somehow there never seemed time for it. When we started having children we got cable thinking it would be entertaining for them. This lasted all of three weeks and we cut it off because we were exhausted trying to monitor the ads. <br>However we did institute a weekly movie night during school and this stretches to three or four per week during vacation times. At least it did until the older boys became teenagers. That is a different kettle of fish altogether and we are still trying to work it out with them.<br>We think the primary purpose of times out for the children is for them to play. This can mean they sit quietly in a corner of the house somewhere reading a book or playing alone with some toys. Or they are out on the trampoline together or digging and building something in a corner of the yard. They can be drawing, painting, or at some craft. And sometimes they are helping me with yard work or a project for the house.<br>Sometimes they complain they are bored. I always point out, to their annoyance, that boredom is something they create and must remedy, not me or their mother. The older boys rarely come to me anymore with that complaint. When the younger ones do I go through the list of things they could be doing and when they, inevitably, say they don’t want to do any of them I tell them they are choosing to be bored then. <br>Mostly, though, they are agitating to watch movies. It amazes me how strong is their desire to watch the screen. We don’t have regular television stations so they are not following characters or a story. Often they will watch the same movie three or four days in a row if that is all that is available.<br>We experimented with letting them watch movies in the morning so we could have a 'lie-in' together. Some of them were very bad-tempered and badly behaved when the time came to stop watching and move on to other things. So we now have rule that TV watching only happens in late afternoon or after dinner, and that it does not happen every day. <br>They are able to live with these clear expectations. Once they know there is no chance of movies happening until later or the next day they move off and find things to occupy themselves. But they do regularly try to get us to change them “just this once.”<br>My impulse is to organize their lives along the lines I think are best for them based on my experience. But my parenting philosophy is that my job is to provide the opportunities and space to enable them to discover themselves. The former means more of me working out how they should spend their time, the latter means more of them. And fundamentally I believe it is my job to let them emerge rather than push them into being. My wife and I did not have a tv before we got married, somehow there never seemed time for it. When we started having children we got cable thinking it would be entertaining for them. This lasted all of three weeks and we cut it off because we were exhausted trying to monitor the ads.
However we did institute a weekly movie night during school and this stretches to three or four per week during vacation times. At least it did until the older boys became teenagers. That is a different kettle of fish altogether and we are still trying to work it out with them.
We think the primary purpose of times out for the children is for them to play. This can mean they sit quietly in a corner of the house somewhere reading a book or playing alone with some toys. Or they are out on the trampoline together or digging and building something in a corner of the yard. They can be drawing, painting, or at some craft. And sometimes they are helping me with yard work or a project for the house.
Sometimes they complain they are bored. I always point out, to their annoyance, that boredom is something they create and must remedy, not me or their mother. The older boys rarely come to me anymore with that complaint. When the younger ones do I go through the list of things they could be doing and when they, inevitably, say they don’t want to do any of them I tell them they are choosing to be bored then.
Mostly, though, they are agitating to watch movies. It amazes me how strong is their desire to watch the screen. We don’t have regular television stations so they are not following characters or a story. Often they will watch the same movie three or four days in a row if that is all that is available.
We experimented with letting them watch movies in the morning so we could have a 'lie-in' together. Some of them were very bad-tempered and badly behaved when the time came to stop watching and move on to other things. So we now have rule that TV watching only happens in late afternoon or after dinner, and that it does not happen every day.
They are able to live with these clear expectations. Once they know there is no chance of movies happening until later or the next day they move off and find things to occupy themselves. But they do regularly try to get us to change them “just this once.”
My impulse is to organize their lives along the lines I think are best for them based on my experience. But my parenting philosophy is that my job is to provide the opportunities and space to enable them to discover themselves. The former means more of me working out how they should spend their time, the latter means more of them. And fundamentally I believe it is my job to let them emerge rather than push them into being.

]]> Comment on Any TV Is Too Much TV Under Two by the wahdad http://www.dad-camp.com/2009/10/any-tv-is-too-much-tv-under-two/comment-page-1/#comment-425 the wahdad Fri, 06 Aug 2010 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.dad-camp.com/?p=1060#comment-425 My wife and I did not have a tv before we got married, somehow there never seemed time for it. When we started having children we got cable thinking it would be entertaining for them. This lasted all of three weeks and we cut it off because we were exhausted trying to monitor the ads. nHowever we did institute a weekly movie night during school and this stretches to three or four per week during vacation times. At least it did until the older boys became teenagers. That is a different kettle of fish altogether and we are still trying to work it out with them.nWe think the primary purpose of times out for the children is for them to play. This can mean they sit quietly in a corner of the house somewhere reading a book or playing alone with some toys. Or they are out on the trampoline together or digging and building something in a corner of the yard. They can be drawing, painting, or at some craft. And sometimes they are helping me with yard work or a project for the house.nSometimes they complain they are bored. I always point out, to their annoyance, that boredom is something they create and must remedy, not me or their mother. The older boys rarely come to me anymore with that complaint. When the younger ones do I go through the list of things they could be doing and when they, inevitably, say they donu2019t want to do any of them I tell them they are choosing to be bored then. nMostly, though, they are agitating to watch movies. It amazes me how strong is their desire to watch the screen. We donu2019t have regular television stations so they are not following characters or a story. Often they will watch the same movie three or four days in a row if that is all that is available.nWe experimented with letting them watch movies in the morning so we could have a 'lie-in' together. Some of them were very bad-tempered and badly behaved when the time came to stop watching and move on to other things. So we now have rule that TV watching only happens in late afternoon or after dinner, and that it does not happen every day. nThey are able to live with these clear expectations. Once they know there is no chance of movies happening until later or the next day they move off and find things to occupy themselves. But they do regularly try to get us to change them u201cjust this once.u201dnMy impulse is to organize their lives along the lines I think are best for them based on my experience. But my parenting philosophy is that my job is to provide the opportunities and space to enable them to discover themselves. The former means more of me working out how they should spend their time, the latter means more of them. And fundamentally I believe it is my job to let them emerge rather than push them into being. My wife and I did not have a tv before we got married, somehow there never seemed time for it. When we started having children we got cable thinking it would be entertaining for them. This lasted all of three weeks and we cut it off because we were exhausted trying to monitor the ads. nHowever we did institute a weekly movie night during school and this stretches to three or four per week during vacation times. At least it did until the older boys became teenagers. That is a different kettle of fish altogether and we are still trying to work it out with them.nWe think the primary purpose of times out for the children is for them to play. This can mean they sit quietly in a corner of the house somewhere reading a book or playing alone with some toys. Or they are out on the trampoline together or digging and building something in a corner of the yard. They can be drawing, painting, or at some craft. And sometimes they are helping me with yard work or a project for the house.nSometimes they complain they are bored. I always point out, to their annoyance, that boredom is something they create and must remedy, not me or their mother. The older boys rarely come to me anymore with that complaint. When the younger ones do I go through the list of things they could be doing and when they, inevitably, say they donu2019t want to do any of them I tell them they are choosing to be bored then. nMostly, though, they are agitating to watch movies. It amazes me how strong is their desire to watch the screen. We donu2019t have regular television stations so they are not following characters or a story. Often they will watch the same movie three or four days in a row if that is all that is available.nWe experimented with letting them watch movies in the morning so we could have a ‘lie-in’ together. Some of them were very bad-tempered and badly behaved when the time came to stop watching and move on to other things. So we now have rule that TV watching only happens in late afternoon or after dinner, and that it does not happen every day. nThey are able to live with these clear expectations. Once they know there is no chance of movies happening until later or the next day they move off and find things to occupy themselves. But they do regularly try to get us to change them u201cjust this once.u201dnMy impulse is to organize their lives along the lines I think are best for them based on my experience. But my parenting philosophy is that my job is to provide the opportunities and space to enable them to discover themselves. The former means more of me working out how they should spend their time, the latter means more of them. And fundamentally I believe it is my job to let them emerge rather than push them into being.

]]> Comment on Why I Started DadCAMP by the wahdad http://www.dad-camp.com/2009/09/why-i-started-dadcamp/comment-page-1/#comment-302 the wahdad Fri, 06 Aug 2010 06:03:48 +0000 http://www.dad-camp.com/wp/?p=103#comment-302 Well you did ask....<br>1. I am married 16 years now and we have 4 children ranged from 1st grade to 8th grade, now moving 2nd to 9th. I would describe myself as happily married. When I met my wife something wonderful happened for me. I became imbued with a certainty that life is more than a series of arbitrary experiences, that if you have faith in the process of life it will bring to where you need to be, that there is someone in the world that is your life’s partner.<br>It was a gift I got that flooded meaning and significance back into my life.<br>I have tried to be grateful for it ever since although I make no claims as to the success of that. It fired me up for the next 20 or so years. In that time we have done wonderful things, had amazing experiences, and seen the miraculous (like all our children being born problem-free).<br>However, times have come when many things in my life seem to be at a crossroads. I am full of questions again. The second half of my life lies before me. I feel like I have seen everything the world has to offer or enough of it for the rest to be different but not new. The thrill of the new does not drive me anything like as much as it used to. My hair is beginning to gray, I need glasses to read, the pounds don’t come off as easily, successes in my career are not as significant as they once seemed.<br>I need a new myth of living. I am not religious so that side of things is not for me. But meaning is critical. Life has to have meaning, at least for me, or else it is meaningless and everything is equal. I don’t mind being in the dark as long as I feel that life is on the way to some kind of illumination.<br>One of the goals of this blog is to ask questions out loud so I don’t forget or avoid them; to live the questions. If an answer comes, well and good. If not, at least I am not avoiding the questions that drive my inner life and outer responses; I am facing the real things of my life. And if answers never come… then that is an answer.<br>2. I want to leave a trace for my children to get some insight into what it was like trying to be a father to them, when they are of an age to read this. If I get it right they will have a laugh more times than not, going “Yeah, remember that”, or “That was something I really liked”, or not feel so alone some time when they are in the middle of a problem.<br>Right now is a pretty tough time for me and I am letting it impact my relationship with them. I am grumpier and more volatile than usual. I don’t think this is excusable but a record of my experience may help them when their time comes to go through bouts like this.<br>I had no insight into my father’s thinking or feeling. I have come up with many rationalizations for his behavior ranging from the noble – stoical, quietist; to the compassionate – no time, training, example, or education; to the selfish – unfeeling, immature. But they are only my guesses. He is dead now and I can never know.<br>If my children read this at any point it will give them a window into their Dad and, hopefully, some records worth keeping of our time together.<br>3. There is a certain time of life where nothing is new anymore. What is to come appears like a copy of what has been. Responsibilities feel like a ball and chain rather than something to accomplish. And other than fulfilling those responsibilities it is difficult to imagine what else there will be.<br>I know there are people for whom this is not an issue at all. They are moving through their lives with an unquestionable direction and certainty. So my blog will not mean anything to them. There will be others for whom this type of scrutiny will seem self-indulgent, and more that will get angry about examining life in this way. And my blog is not for them either.<br>I know I am in this time of life. This is not a matter of philosophy. You see that guy looking a bit lost as he drops his kids off at school because work has dried up for him? You see the guy sometimes looking distraught as he contemplates his grocery bill? You see the guy sitting quietly with an air of depression and disappointment about him? You see the guy having a furtive smoke because he has taken it up again? All of these guys are me, that is what I mean.<br>I think the economic depression has revealed this quandary, not created it. I can’t bury myself in work to forget the nagging questions. I can’t make more money to buy things that will help me forget these questions. I can’t jog or cycle the questions away either.<br>And I know that I am not alone, at least not completely. Just recently an acquaintance of ours despaired and checked out, overwhelmed by the details of his life. I believe it was him losing hope in finding an answer that would get him through this stage and on to the next. This blog is also a reaction to that catastrophic event.<br>4. I want to shout out for fathers, for Dads. I want to celebrate what it is to be the father of some of the next generation. Not lists of advice on how to…, things to…, what Dads should…, etc., just good things that happen being a Dad.<br>5. I have a long way to go to become the husband and father I think I can be. I want to see if paying some dedicated attention every day to the process will result in improvement. Well you did ask….
1. I am married 16 years now and we have 4 children ranged from 1st grade to 8th grade, now moving 2nd to 9th. I would describe myself as happily married. When I met my wife something wonderful happened for me. I became imbued with a certainty that life is more than a series of arbitrary experiences, that if you have faith in the process of life it will bring to where you need to be, that there is someone in the world that is your life’s partner.
It was a gift I got that flooded meaning and significance back into my life.
I have tried to be grateful for it ever since although I make no claims as to the success of that. It fired me up for the next 20 or so years. In that time we have done wonderful things, had amazing experiences, and seen the miraculous (like all our children being born problem-free).
However, times have come when many things in my life seem to be at a crossroads. I am full of questions again. The second half of my life lies before me. I feel like I have seen everything the world has to offer or enough of it for the rest to be different but not new. The thrill of the new does not drive me anything like as much as it used to. My hair is beginning to gray, I need glasses to read, the pounds don’t come off as easily, successes in my career are not as significant as they once seemed.
I need a new myth of living. I am not religious so that side of things is not for me. But meaning is critical. Life has to have meaning, at least for me, or else it is meaningless and everything is equal. I don’t mind being in the dark as long as I feel that life is on the way to some kind of illumination.
One of the goals of this blog is to ask questions out loud so I don’t forget or avoid them; to live the questions. If an answer comes, well and good. If not, at least I am not avoiding the questions that drive my inner life and outer responses; I am facing the real things of my life. And if answers never come… then that is an answer.
2. I want to leave a trace for my children to get some insight into what it was like trying to be a father to them, when they are of an age to read this. If I get it right they will have a laugh more times than not, going “Yeah, remember that”, or “That was something I really liked”, or not feel so alone some time when they are in the middle of a problem.
Right now is a pretty tough time for me and I am letting it impact my relationship with them. I am grumpier and more volatile than usual. I don’t think this is excusable but a record of my experience may help them when their time comes to go through bouts like this.
I had no insight into my father’s thinking or feeling. I have come up with many rationalizations for his behavior ranging from the noble – stoical, quietist; to the compassionate – no time, training, example, or education; to the selfish – unfeeling, immature. But they are only my guesses. He is dead now and I can never know.
If my children read this at any point it will give them a window into their Dad and, hopefully, some records worth keeping of our time together.
3. There is a certain time of life where nothing is new anymore. What is to come appears like a copy of what has been. Responsibilities feel like a ball and chain rather than something to accomplish. And other than fulfilling those responsibilities it is difficult to imagine what else there will be.
I know there are people for whom this is not an issue at all. They are moving through their lives with an unquestionable direction and certainty. So my blog will not mean anything to them. There will be others for whom this type of scrutiny will seem self-indulgent, and more that will get angry about examining life in this way. And my blog is not for them either.
I know I am in this time of life. This is not a matter of philosophy. You see that guy looking a bit lost as he drops his kids off at school because work has dried up for him? You see the guy sometimes looking distraught as he contemplates his grocery bill? You see the guy sitting quietly with an air of depression and disappointment about him? You see the guy having a furtive smoke because he has taken it up again? All of these guys are me, that is what I mean.
I think the economic depression has revealed this quandary, not created it. I can’t bury myself in work to forget the nagging questions. I can’t make more money to buy things that will help me forget these questions. I can’t jog or cycle the questions away either.
And I know that I am not alone, at least not completely. Just recently an acquaintance of ours despaired and checked out, overwhelmed by the details of his life. I believe it was him losing hope in finding an answer that would get him through this stage and on to the next. This blog is also a reaction to that catastrophic event.
4. I want to shout out for fathers, for Dads. I want to celebrate what it is to be the father of some of the next generation. Not lists of advice on how to…, things to…, what Dads should…, etc., just good things that happen being a Dad.
5. I have a long way to go to become the husband and father I think I can be. I want to see if paying some dedicated attention every day to the process will result in improvement.

]]> Comment on Kids Change Things by WriterWriter http://www.dad-camp.com/2009/10/kids-change-things/comment-page-1/#comment-298 WriterWriter Wed, 23 Jun 2010 14:31:42 +0000 http://www.dad-camp.com/?p=911#comment-298 No matter how old they are, that instinct to protect does not change; as they grow and become independent, one just learns to chomp down on that instinct to keep it either in check or relegated to some distant, locked-away part of the brain where it can't overwhelm every minute - in my case anyway - my children are out of my sight. <br><br>My daughters are 21, 23 and 26. They all drive and they all have friends (many of whom I do not know); one lives in another city. As I write this, two are visiting relative in Texas and apparently, as they posted on Facebook, learning how to shoot. Guns. In Texas. <br><br>I don't worry about them exactly but even now, the idea that they could be hurt or that someone could hurt them instantly wakes a very large and protective - murderous if it became necessary -mother bear. No matter how old they are, that instinct to protect does not change; as they grow and become independent, one just learns to chomp down on that instinct to keep it either in check or relegated to some distant, locked-away part of the brain where it can't overwhelm every minute – in my case anyway – my children are out of my sight.

My daughters are 21, 23 and 26. They all drive and they all have friends (many of whom I do not know); one lives in another city. As I write this, two are visiting relative in Texas and apparently, as they posted on Facebook, learning how to shoot. Guns. In Texas.

I don't worry about them exactly but even now, the idea that they could be hurt or that someone could hurt them instantly wakes a very large and protective – murderous if it became necessary -mother bear.

]]> Comment on Kids Change Things by WriterWriter http://www.dad-camp.com/2009/10/kids-change-things/comment-page-1/#comment-424 WriterWriter Wed, 23 Jun 2010 14:31:00 +0000 http://www.dad-camp.com/?p=911#comment-424 No matter how old they are, that instinct to protect does not change; as they grow and become independent, one just learns to chomp down on that instinct to keep it either in check or relegated to some distant, locked-away part of the brain where it can't overwhelm every minute - in my case anyway - my children are out of my sight. nnMy daughters are 21, 23 and 26. They all drive and they all have friends (many of whom I do not know); one lives in another city. As I write this, two are visiting relative in Texas and apparently, as they posted on Facebook, learning how to shoot. Guns. In Texas. nnI don't worry about them exactly but even now, the idea that they could be hurt or that someone could hurt them instantly wakes a very large and protective - murderous if it became necessary -mother bear. No matter how old they are, that instinct to protect does not change; as they grow and become independent, one just learns to chomp down on that instinct to keep it either in check or relegated to some distant, locked-away part of the brain where it can’t overwhelm every minute – in my case anyway – my children are out of my sight. nnMy daughters are 21, 23 and 26. They all drive and they all have friends (many of whom I do not know); one lives in another city. As I write this, two are visiting relative in Texas and apparently, as they posted on Facebook, learning how to shoot. Guns. In Texas. nnI don’t worry about them exactly but even now, the idea that they could be hurt or that someone could hurt them instantly wakes a very large and protective – murderous if it became necessary -mother bear.

]]> Comment on Kids Change Things by WriterWriter http://www.dad-camp.com/2009/10/kids-change-things/comment-page-1/#comment-372 WriterWriter Wed, 23 Jun 2010 14:31:00 +0000 http://www.dad-camp.com/?p=911#comment-372 No matter how old they are, that instinct to protect does not change; as they grow and become independent, one just learns to chomp down on that instinct to keep it either in check or relegated to some distant, locked-away part of the brain where it can't overwhelm every minute - in my case anyway - my children are out of my sight. nnMy daughters are 21, 23 and 26. They all drive and they all have friends (many of whom I do not know); one lives in another city. As I write this, two are visiting relative in Texas and apparently, as they posted on Facebook, learning how to shoot. Guns. In Texas. nnI don't worry about them exactly but even now, the idea that they could be hurt or that someone could hurt them instantly wakes a very large and protective - murderous if it became necessary -mother bear. No matter how old they are, that instinct to protect does not change; as they grow and become independent, one just learns to chomp down on that instinct to keep it either in check or relegated to some distant, locked-away part of the brain where it can’t overwhelm every minute – in my case anyway – my children are out of my sight. nnMy daughters are 21, 23 and 26. They all drive and they all have friends (many of whom I do not know); one lives in another city. As I write this, two are visiting relative in Texas and apparently, as they posted on Facebook, learning how to shoot. Guns. In Texas. nnI don’t worry about them exactly but even now, the idea that they could be hurt or that someone could hurt them instantly wakes a very large and protective – murderous if it became necessary -mother bear.

]]> Comment on Four Fathers on Father’s Day by I Am Your Father « The Blog According to Buzz http://www.dad-camp.com/2010/06/four-fathers-on-fathers-day/comment-page-1/#comment-297 I Am Your Father « The Blog According to Buzz Sun, 20 Jun 2010 12:21:54 +0000 http://www.dad-camp.com/?p=1642#comment-297 [...] more on my thoughts for today, check out the parenting community I created at DadCAMP. It’s a site just for Dads to share parenting ideas, ask questions, read stories and meet [...] [...] more on my thoughts for today, check out the parenting community I created at DadCAMP. It’s a site just for Dads to share parenting ideas, ask questions, read stories and meet [...]

]]> Comment on Dads Are Different by Four Fathers on Father’s Day | DadCAMP http://www.dad-camp.com/2009/10/dads-are-different/comment-page-1/#comment-295 Four Fathers on Father’s Day | DadCAMP Sat, 19 Jun 2010 19:23:05 +0000 http://www.dad-camp.com/?p=881#comment-295 [...] This entire website is a dedication to what it means to be a Dad. It’s about compromise, it’s about fear, it’s about leadership, it’s about learning. It’s about patience, it’s about play, it’s about participation, it’s about being last on the list. [...] [...] This entire website is a dedication to what it means to be a Dad. It’s about compromise, it’s about fear, it’s about leadership, it’s about learning. It’s about patience, it’s about play, it’s about participation, it’s about being last on the list. [...]

]]> Comment on What Being A Dad Is Like by Four Fathers on Father’s Day | DadCAMP http://www.dad-camp.com/2009/09/what-being-a-dad-is-like/comment-page-1/#comment-294 Four Fathers on Father’s Day | DadCAMP Sat, 19 Jun 2010 19:22:49 +0000 http://www.dad-camp.com/wp/?p=578#comment-294 [...] website is a dedication to what it means to be a Dad. It’s about compromise, it’s about fear, it’s about leadership, it’s about learning. It’s about patience, it’s [...] [...] website is a dedication to what it means to be a Dad. It’s about compromise, it’s about fear, it’s about leadership, it’s about learning. It’s about patience, it’s [...]

]]> Comment on I’m Daniel. You’re Roberto. by Four Fathers on Father’s Day | DadCAMP http://www.dad-camp.com/2010/03/im-daniel-youre-roberto/comment-page-1/#comment-293 Four Fathers on Father’s Day | DadCAMP Sat, 19 Jun 2010 19:21:26 +0000 http://www.dad-camp.com/?p=1425#comment-293 [...] it’s about leadership, it’s about learning. It’s about patience, it’s about play, it’s about participation, it’s about being last on the [...] [...] it’s about leadership, it’s about learning. It’s about patience, it’s about play, it’s about participation, it’s about being last on the [...]

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