Spanking is an outlet for a situation gone bad. A build up in parenting pressure that explodes on your child’s behind.

Is it wrong? I’m not sure, but I know it’s not right. I’d love the eternal patience of a saint to soberly navigate the parenting waters, but sometimes I fail.

For now, parents are protected by the Canadian Criminal Code when it comes to spanking.

The Supreme Court of Canada ruled in 2004 that parents have the right to spank their children. But the country’s top court also set out “reasonable limits.”

Those limits include:

Spanking could be used against children between the ages of two and 12 years old.
Children could not be disciplined with an object.
Hits to the head would be unacceptable.
[CBC]

Researchers, however, want things changed.

Children who have experienced physical punishment tend to be more aggressive toward parents, siblings, peers and, later, spouses, and are more likely to develop antisocial behaviour, said Joan Durrant, of the department of family social sciences at the University of Manitoba and Ron Ensom of Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario in Ottawa.
[CBC]

How can you not agree?

If you’re a remotely sensible parent, the wave of guilt flows over you the second there is contact. “It hurts me more than it hurts you”, is not an empty sentence. I feel like a failure for having lost control enough to resort to spanking.

There are programs to help guide parental perception and attitude to corporal punishment. Toronto Public Health has “Spanking hurts more than you think” and the Public Health Agency of Canada sponsors “Never spank!” These programs should be supported, encouraged and broadened.

I’m sure there will be a day when it will no longer be “acceptable” to hit a child between the ages of 2-12. These attitudes are hold overs from an era exempt of helmets, child labour laws, car seats and common sense.

Already there are more than 2 dozens countries in the world that have banned spanking, Sweden being the first in 1979. Venezuela, Uruguay, Portugal, Spain, and Costa Rica also don’t permit spanking. While Sweden has a lower rate of child deaths due to abuse than 20 out of 27 developed countries, other studies have suggested that the spanking ban has made little change in problematic forms of physical punishment.

What’s your take? Should parents have a ‘right’ to spank their kids?

True.

My guys are only 4 and 2, but in a decade I’ll be glad to worry about just 2 boys instead of a locker room full of them.

The princessification of our girls flows right alongside the mass marketing to boys of Transformers and Star Wars and Cars. Marketers have distilled the gender types into such specific descriptions that we now live in a black and white (blue and pink) world when raising our kids.

Girls are princesses, boys are warriors. Disney likes it like that, in 2009 they made nearly $4B off their princess brands alone.

Still, Riley would like things to change. I mean, why can’t girls have superhero toys and boys have princess toys?

Lego made headlines last week when it announced it was releasing female friendly sets. That immediately led to the questions of “when was Lego not female friendly?”

My niece and son played on Christmas morning for hours with a traditional set of red, blue and green blocks and not once did she pine for something pink.

The princess model creates a world where Barbie says “math is hard” and people like the Kardashians are role models. Princessing our daughters grooms them for Toddlers and Tiaras and teaches 5 year olds to label their 3 year old rivals as “hookers.”

Dr. Melanie Waters, lecturer in English literature and specialist in feminist theory at Northumbria University, absolutely has a problem with the princess culture. “[Princess dolls] are promoting a very narrow and prescriptive view of femininity, and one that ought to be outmoded in the 21st century,” she tells Ebner. “I think they are regressive. They encourage girls to be passive, and to nurture. There’s an aggressive focus on beauty, hair accessories and other images that promote the idea that girls should be concerned with their appearance”.

From an early age, girls are being socialised, it seems, for the caring, soft “feminine jobs” that perpetuate gender stereotypes, job segregation, and lower pay rates.
[Jezebel]

I’m not wanting us to go off the gender deep end by raising a completely neutral child as one couple recently made headlines by announcing this past year, but let’s not stick them in completely separate boxes.

There needs to be balance. I wear pink shirts, as do my sons. I’ve picked him up from school with pigtails and a tutu on because other kids were trying it. My 5 yr old niece asked for tools for Christmas so she could woodwork with her dad. Why can’t we just follow their lead instead of determining their future for them?

Now there is argument to be made that princessing our girls is no more likely to turn them into D-List celebs with a sex tape than Transformers is to turn our sons into machine gun toting maniacs. Active parents who put education and environment above all else will be the guiding forces of our children.

How do you feel about the pink princessification of our daughters?

Growing up, Bieber’s mom didnt’ do the Santa thing.

He says his mom, Pattie Mallette, “always told me there wasn’t a Santa.”

He explains, “This was her logic: She thought if I grew up knowing about Santa then finding out he wasn’t real, that it would be like she was lying to me. And then when she told me about God, I maybe wouldn’t believe her.”

“She just wanted to be straight-up and honest with me all the time,” he adds in an interview with AOL Music, noting, “But I didn’t tell my friends or ruin it for anyone — I was a good kid!”
[GossipCop]

Sorry, Biebs, but I like lying to my kids.

We’ve got the Elf on the Shelf hiding all around our house to report back to Santa. I’ve picked up a Santa voice changing app so my son can hear messages from the Jolly Old Elf himself. When we go to the mall, we take pictures of the things my son wants and email them to Santa. We visit every Santa we see in the mall, except he knows those are not the real St Nick. They’re just the helpers.

Santa Claus is about the spirit of the season. A happy man who tries to do good in the world by rewarding people with anonymous gifts and kindness. Where’s the lie in that? I’m sure if Christopher Hitchens were to debate Bieber on his belief system, he would say there is a bigger lie Justin is buying into.

Whether you believe in Santa and/or the little lord Jesus, you’re perpetuating the spirit of kindess, charity, giving, and happiness. That’s what this season is all about.

My son has gone and picked out his favorite toys to drop at the firehall for “the girls and boys who don’t have more toys.” He drew pictures for 2 senior citizens we adopted through Santa’s Secret Service. He rang bells in the mall for the Salvation Army.

If lying to my kid about Santa has a side effect of that kind of charity and giving, then I’ll lie to him every day.

However, if my son has an iPad and you ask him to hand it to you, it’s not going to happen. You can’t even take the iPad and replace with an iPhone, he knows which one he wants and he’s not ready to give it up.

The dependance we now have on technology to entertain our kids has led to some experts calling tablets “digital pacifiers.”

As much as kids enjoy playing with an iPad, parents should limit the amount of time they spend plopped down with the device, said Gwenn O’Keeffe, a pediatrician in Boston who has studied the effects of technology on children and works with the American Academy of Pediatrics. Toddlers under 2 shouldn’t play with an iPad unless it’s only being used to display books, she said.

Victoria Nash, a researcher at the Oxford Internet Institute who also has studied the topic, said some parents use gadgets as a “digital pacifier.”

“We know already that there are dangers with watching too much television and doing too much online gaming,” she said.
[Bloomberg]

One of the effects of too much screen time is a delay in speech development. My 23 month old only has a handful of words, most of them not fully formed. There is no doubt my younger son’s speech is behind the development my older son (no iPad) showed.

Still, the iPad is a treat for the couch or the playroom in our house. We don’t have a minivan that will blast Dora, Diego, and the Wonder Pets every time the family gets loaded up to go to the grocery store. And when we get there, I don’t hand them an iPhone to stare at while I wander the aisles.

Some swing the meter far to the other side. Waldorf Schools don’t allow any access to technology until 8th grade, and encourage parents to continue that ideology at home.

Waldorf schools … subscribe to a teaching philosophy focused on physical activity and learning through creative, hands-on tasks. Those who endorse this approach say computers inhibit creative thinking, movement, human interaction and attention spans.

The Waldorf method is nearly a century old, but its foothold here among the digerati puts into sharp relief an intensifying debate about the role of computers in education.

“I fundamentally reject the notion you need technology aids in grammar school,” said Alan Eagle, 50, whose daughter, Andie, is one of the 196 children at the Waldorf elementary school; his son William, 13, is at the nearby middle school. “The idea that an app on an iPad can better teach my kids to read or do arithmetic, that’s ridiculous.”
[NYT]

I’m trying to strike a balance between digital and analog play for my children. Along with the digital books that we share, I still turn pages and my iPhone attached son equally loves the time he spends on my lap reading books by Oliver Jeffers.

If you think your kid is spending too much time on their iPad and not enough time outside getting some exercise, don’t blame the iPad. Before the iPad, they were playing video games, and before video games they were watching TV, and before TV they were reading comic books. Throughout history, you will uncover generations of youth who would rather sit around and play than go outside and play.

It’s not technologies’ fault that a kid is lazy… it comes down to parenting, values and the child’s disposition.
[Twist Image]

How do you handle technology in your home? Video games, iPads, iPods, Gameboys, TVs, etc ..

Immediately the tin hats will be folded, the conspiracy theories will come out, and a knock-down-name-calling-tin-hat-wearing-skeptical-cynical-afraid-of-science-government-sympathizing-brawl ensues.

Some people choose to vaccinate, others don’t. They cite fears of autism (or mental retardation) and wonder aloud why they would prick their children with poison to prevent disease. A still third group prefers “natural” vaccination by holding pox parties to infect their children with chicken pox from lollipops.

The Facebook group is called “Find a Pox Party in Your Area.” According to the group’s page, it is geared toward “parents who want their children to obtain natural immunity for the chicken pox.”

On the page, parents post where they live and ask if anyone with a child who has the chicken pox would be willing to send saliva, infected lollipops or clothing through the mail.

Parents also use the page to set up play dates with children who currently have chicken pox. [KPHO]

Call me a lemming, but I think vaccines make sense. We got rid of polio (in North America) and small pox because we vaccinated the population.

Jenny McCarthy thrust the risks associated with vaccinations into the spotlight in 2005 when she blamed a scheduled MMR vaccine on her son developing autism.

“The MMR scare was based not on bad science but on a deliberate fraud.” … such “clear evidence of falsification of data should now close the door on this damaging vaccine scare.” [Daily Telegraph]

Now, because of Team Jenny, the vaccination rate is slipping – letting disease slip back into our population pool. Oh, and don’t forget Michelle Bachmann‘s “mental retardation” links to the HPV vaccine.

You know when you get a prescription and the doc says finish all of it? You feel better 3/4 of the way through the bottle, but you need to finish the bottle to completely cure yourself. If you stop the meds partway through and you don’t finish it off. That’s what we’re doing; an incomplete vaccination of the population is not killing off preventible disease. Disease we’ve found a “cure” for.

The non-vaccinating movement has gained such momentum that Australia this week mandated that families either vaccinate their children or forego government benefits.

PARENTS failing to ensure their children undergo the full six-stage immunisation risk losing up to $2100 as part of an expanded scheme that replaces a small carrot with a big stick to increase vaccination rates.
From next July, the government is axing the $258 ”maternity immunisation allowance” paid irrespective of income to families of fully immunised children aged up to five. Instead the government will require parents have their children fully immunised or forgo three payments of $726 available under the family tax benefit A end of year supplement. [SMH]

Personally, I’m on Team Penn and Teller (NSFW language).

To be honest, I don’t know how comfortable I am with mandated vaccination. It’s true that some will have allergies associated with the ingredient found in the vaccine. Iit should be a discussion between patient and physican when it comes to vaccinating kids. That said, for the vast majority of our population, outright dismissal of vaccines as drug company propaganda and profiteering is nonsense. Vaccinating your kids is common sense.

We wear a seatbelt in the car. We wear a helmet on our bike. We vaccinate our kids.

We didn’t put up baby gates on the stairs. We didn’t lock off the cupboard under the sink. We don’t put helmets on our kids when they were learning to walk.

We’ve used common sense to keep the things they can get at out of reach. We don’t buy our sons hoodies with strings, we always wear a helmet when we ride our bikes, they stay within arm’s reach on the playground, we stay in the same room to play, and we keep an eye out for what they’re up to.

Have a look at this picture and tell me if you think there’s anything terrible about how it’s laid out – if there are any super dangers you could find.

My oldest son found one.

Zacharie (4) and Charlie (2) were playing in the room with our nanny when Zacharie decided he wanted to play “jungle guy.” He stood on the table, pulled on the blind cord, wrapped it around his neck.

Our nanny says she tried to talk him down and said “don’t do that”, but she wasn’t fast enough. He jumped.

We were lucky. Zacharie ended up with just a really bad rope burn around his neck. He looked like an extra out of CSI or Dexter. The cord ripped into his skin almost all the way around.

The room looked innocent enough. We always have the blinds down so the cords are high and out of reach. But the combination of adventurous 4 year old, slow nanny and table under the window almost added up to our son becoming a statistic.

I am trying to practice free range parenting void of irrational fears around my kids. But I might just wait a week or two to get back on that program, I’m hugging my son too damn tight right now.

I’m pro-breastfeeding, but I can’t stand the lactivists. My wife tried with both of our sons, but couldnt last longer than a few months. So, I agree that breastfeeding should be the first choice, but I will hardly parade, boycott, and hate on those who need to make another choice to suit their family’s needs.

Here’s the quote from M Sarkozy that has some nipples in a knot:

Mr Sarkozy aired his views on breastfeeding while chatting to young mothers at a family benefits agency in south west France yesterday.
He said: ‘Carla is feeding the baby. I think it’s much better for protecting against allergies and illnesses.
‘But the woman, it’s both a joy and a kind of slavery.
‘However it does free men of blame because we don’t have the problem of bottle-feeding. You don’t have to get up at night, although out of solidarity, I do open one eye.’
The president added: ‘But you know, she is worried about not having enough milk.’
Read more

Sarkozy has spoken the truth. While some may call breastfeeding a labour of love, for others it is a labour. It’s obvious Mme Bruni is not having the easiest go of it, so it feels like a chore. I’ll also join him in the admission of pretending to be sound asleep when the kids are crying in the middle of the night.

Want one more lie dads tell? “I can’t smell anything.”

Listen, we all love our kids. We all want them to grow up and be healthy and happy, but it’s not always easy. My wife, in her struggles, would spend the time feeding and then double the time pumping trying to get enough milk for our sons. She said she felt like a dairy cow (her words, not mine).

Sarkozy has called a spade, a spade. He’s gone Simon Cowell on the notion of breastfeeding and said what we’re all thinking.

Sure, slavery is a little bit of a strong image to link to this topic, but I can tell you my wife felt chained to that Medela pump for nearly a year. It is what it is.

Do you have a problem with what he said?

“Dad, I want the Transformer Rescue Super Hero!”

“Dad, I want the Batman flying car!”

It seems “Dad, I want .. Dad, I want .. Dad, I want..” is all we will here for the next 7 weeks.

So here’s how we handle the neverending wish list: we “email photos to Santa.”

This weekend we took our son to the mall and let him go nuts. We took pictures of all the things he wanted so that we could email the photos to Santa. In truth, it’s a saved reminder on our iPhone of the things he wants and they’re also easy to email to Nana and Grandpapa to show exactly what he wants.

BUT .. it’s not all about what he wants. We use the time to ask him what other people would want too. He picks out gloves that Santa should get for Mama. A book Santa should get for Daddy. A play doh set Santa should get for his big brother. And then we ask him about the girls and boys who don’t have a lot of toys. What would they want? And he goes through the stores picking out things for other people.

Everything is accounted for on our phone for later research on who will have the best price and when “Santa” should do his shopping. It’s one crazy day where we get the “list” out of the way so the “I want, I want, I want” disappears for the rest of the season.

How do you handle the holiday shopping season with your kids?

We used to ride in the back of the station wagon all the time as kids, but in 2011 that’s not cool. Fine. I get that the mom should be upset and have a chat with the parents. However, the part that really upset me about the letter was her hyper-vigilance when it came to sleepovers.

Our 11-year-old daughter recently attended her first sleepover, a birthday celebration for her friend “Sandy.”

Before the event, my husband and I met and talked with Sandy’s parents, learned about the other residents of the home and conducted a “sex offender” search online to determine that no sexual predators lived in the area. [source]

Is that kind of pre-screening paranoia really necessary? Already schools are requiring background checks before volunteering for any field trips or activities. A barrier to entry that has caused me not to volunteer with my son’s school. I don’t have anything to hide, it’s just a piece of red tape that’s a nuisance to eliminate when most of my availability is last-minute.

I asked the DadCAMPers what their thoughts on sleepovers were and @DadOnAMission jumped right in.

I rarely allow my children to “go” to sleepovers. If they are to be had, the sleepovers are at my house.

I may be overprotective but I am simply to afraid to allow sleepovers.

I have a 12 year old girl and a six year old boy. The statistics from sleepovers are horrific.

I know kids need some freedom, but… that’s why I let them have friends over anytime they want. I’m overprotective.

I’m a chicken sure. But watch the video on this page. http://www.nosleepover.com/ I can feel more secure with them at my house.

Paul pointed me at the following news story covering the Mom On A Mission

I pointed Paul to Lenore Skenazy‘s blog, Free Range Kids.

The modern parental thinking method applies: Since a drugging/fondling incident DID happen once, and since it was ON THE NEWS, it must be happening ALL THE TIME, and it could POSSIBLY, even PROBABLY, happen to MY kid, so in order to avoid this fate, I must PROTECT my child by glue-gunning her to my side. (Ouch!) [source]

A few weeks ago one of the nannies from my school asked if my son could come over for a playdate after school. My only questions was whether she had enough car seats. I was immediately trusting that the environment would be okay and the caregiver would be qualified.

My wife wasn’t so sure. She was more nervous and asked to speak with the nanny, her employer and was still hesitant. In the end, or son went and had a great time. I may have been a little lax, my wife a little tight, but in the end we met in the middle and our son has a stronger friendship with one of his classmates.

What about you? Do you allow sleepovers? Do you do background checks on babysitters, other parents and neighborhoods?

Our nanny picks up our son from school, entertains both our boys all day and does some light housework. We also make deductions for room, board and taxes, so her actual take home money is closer to $7 or $8 an hour. We don’t do any of that for our 16 year old soccer player from around the corner, it’s all cash under the table for her.

I did a quick survey on Twitter and found most parents are paying $8-$10 an hour. One is paying $12 an hour, but she hires sitters in their 20s, as opposed to neighborhood teens.

Still, that’s a good deal, the people behind me at the hockey game last night were debating staying until the final horn because they pay their babysitter $13 an hour.

The dad in group had a good solution to babysitting rates. “Babysitters should get less money when the kids are asleep,” he said.

Of course. After the kids are asleep the teen is just getting paid $13 an hour to tweet, text and watch MTV.

How much do you pay babysitters?