Welcome to the parent hood, my friend. Redbook magazine asked parents to name the number one thing they WISH other people knew about their kids.

1. Sometimes my kids are loud and obnoxious and it’s not because I’m a bad parent.
2. Boys are naturally curious and don’t always sit still with their hands in their laps.
3. Just because my house is messy doesn’t mean I don’t clean.
4. If I had my way I wouldn’t bring my kids to the store with me. But I can’t afford a babysitter.
5. Children don’t come out of molds. They are very individual and have their own quirks that don’t always follow ‘the rules’ in the parenting books.
6. Raising cats and dogs is not the same as raising a child.
7. I value my child’s naptime. We’ll come to your event . . . but if we don’t work it around the nap, my kids won’t be all happy and smiling.
8. I understand that you’re getting annoyed. Please have patience while I learn to be a parent and while my kids learn to be people.
9. Children are not miniature adults. They won’t react to things the same way a rational adult would.
10. Babies cry and toddlers throw fits. They are not good or bad because of that . . . it just makes them a child.
11. Please get over simply crying and whining at the grocery store and restaurants. I can’t teach my kids to behave in those places if I never take them there.

What would you add to the list?

Which will you choose as your maternity leave comes to an end and you have to head back into the rat race to put food on the table, cars in the driveway and plants in the garden.

That’s a pretty eventful 5 days of extra-parental care. We knew there would be a learning curve for both us, and the daycare staff, but neither of us could have imagined that laundry list in just 5 days.

A recent survey of pediatricians put the question of daycare vs nanny up for debate. For those who landed on a firm side, 50+% opted for “it depends”, the majority chose at home care for those under 2.

Nanny: 35%
Daycare: 12%
Depends on the child’s age and circumstances: 53%
“Nanny before age two. Daycare is better after that, because children are social little beings and love to be around other kids.” — Kim Gush MD, FAAP. Chapel Hill, NC
[source]

And who can argue with that? It’s the biggest problem we’re struggling with as Z transistions to care. He’s a baby. He can’t walk. He can’t talk. He can’t properly express his needs. He can’t follow directions.

Yes, socialization is important, and we really do think Z has a ton of fun scrambling through the playground, or climbing all over their slides and gear – but it really comes down to personalized attention for us.

How did Z’s diaper get so full that it soaked through his pants? Noone was paying attention.

How is that Z’s not sleeping more than 45mins for 2 daily naps? Noone is trying to get him back down.

How is that Z’s socks get soaked when his shoes come off on the playground? Noone was paying attention.

How is that Z’s not eating/drinking enough through the day? Noone is making an effort to sit and feed him.

How is that Z’s getting bumped and scratched and bruised? Noone is there to catch a climbing infant’s fall.

Now I don’t want to be that parent. You know, the extra clingy and protective and complaining parent who thinks their child is perfect and is never getting enough attention – but Z is a baby, in a room full of toddlers, he needs the extra attention.

Jen and I are talking about switching to a nanny, we have friends who have live in care for the same price we’re paying for daycare, but we don’t have room for a suite. So we’d have to go with a live out nanny, and without the accomodation subsidy you provide with live in care, the costs rise quickly – I don’t think it’s doable.

Which means we’re stocking up on band aids, and patience.

(This post was originally written in May, 2008)

Our 4 year old, however, wanted more. And more. And more. The more he opened, the more he wanted. He’d barely look at what was inside the box before turning to find more wrapping paper to shred.

Did your kids act spoiled on Christmas Day? Chances are they did, and we’re to blame.

According to a new survey by Parenting magazine, 76% of parents say their kids act spoiled and are less grateful than they should be during the holidays.

59% of parents say that their kids are more spoiled than they were as kids. Only 11% say they’re less spoiled.

The average parent spent $271 per child on gifts this year, and 30% will spend over $300.

76% of parents say they feel GUILTY about saying “no” to something on their child’s wish list, and 18% try to give their kids EVERYTHING they ask for.

The harder you try to make them happy, the more they want, just scan Twitter for some complaining keywords just after Christmas morning and you’ll see the level of entitlement we’re enabling.

Spoiled brats show their true colours on Twitter

Once again my wife and I have made a pact that next year we’ll dial it down. Bring some sanity and meaning back to the morning.

What about you, did you spoil your kids this week?

The same happens in parenthood. We prepare like heck for the birth, by taking classes and decorating rooms – but what thought do we give to the life about to begin?

Alanis Morissette has a post at iVillage this week where she talks about how shockingly unprepared she was for parenthood (just like the rest of us).

No one told me about postpartum. And when they did, their shared recollections were semi-hazy and greatest hits-esque. They made the after-the-baby-is-born era sound somewhat idyllic, if they remembered it at all. So, as I was wont to do, I put their stories together, composite-style, into a fantasy that included bursting into blissful tears, buoyed by clouds and surrounded by cherub angels gushing how the lil’ one’s lips were his father’s and his deep contemplative gaze mine.

Cue record scratching sound.

Not the first time there were other parts, beyond the fantasy, that I hadn’t considered. I had used, as usual, the I’ll-rise-to-that-occasion-when-I-get-there approach to the post-child-bearing journey, so all my DVD-watching and focus went toward the birth experience itself, and how best to prepare myself for that (as though I really could prepare for a Human. Being. Coming. Out. Of. My. Body.).

Perhaps there was a method to my huge oversight, a necessary judiciousness exercised for the sake of not being overwhelmed during the big lead-up to this new role. So I found myself lying there, stunned, humbled, overcome, reduced…the final push serving as a portal that hurtled me, irrevocably into this new uncharted territory and state that I had yet to wrap my Oxytocin-riddled brain around.

You can read the rest of her entry here

I have a favorite book I like to recommend for new dads. Be Prepared focusses on what happens right after the baby is born. If mom is going to be all worried about having “a Human. Being. Coming. Out. Of. My. Body.” then the least Dad can do is Be Prepared for what comes next.

What was your experience like? Were you as unprepared as Alanis?

Our wives may hate it, but cmon, it’s for charity (and guys like this time of year as a chance to channel our inner Tom Selleck.)

Even your kids can take part in Movember with some easy to find clip art. A simple cut and paste and you can turn any baby pic into a fabulous movember masterpiece. Your daughter can have a foo man chu, your son can have the dastardly villainous handlebar, you can even put a frothy captain’s moustache on your wife.

Here are the downloads for the free moustache and beard vector clip art. (pack 1) (pack 2)

Scott Mills, a presenter on BBC Radio 1 came up with an ingenious way for his co-host, Becky, to take part. She’s printed off a moustache stencil and will shave around it growing a mo on her knee. At the end of the month they’ve promised to draw a face to go with the mo.

Don’t forget to add a Movember Twibbon to your Twitter and Facebook photos to help spread the movement (your wife and kids can do this too)

How’s your Mo, bro?

Kids grow. Age 1 turns to age 3, which turns to age 7, which turns to 15 and 18 and 21, all in the blink of an eye. If you’re there, as I am, it flies. If you’re not there — if you’re almost never there — it barely exists at all. Which is why I just can’t stomach those millions of dads who view their days at home as recovery from work, who’d rather rest than engage, who have no problem with passing the tykes off for more alone time with mom and who, literally, moan to their wives, “You have no idea how hard I work.”
[source]

I’m aghast.

On this weekend to celebrate all that Dads do in our lives, one of our own has ascended his personal Olympus to shout down from the mount and crucify the rest of us.

Jeff is a stay at home author who gets to be with his kids for breakfast instead of inhaling something from a drive thru. He gets to make lunch for his children instead of grabbing it from a greasy food cart and then eating at his desk. He gets to hug them when they come home from school instead of hoping he can fight the traffic jam to get home on time to at least kiss them good night.

What Jeff has done with this piece is not persecute fathers, he’s railed against every working parent in the world. Every person who needs to leave the house to make a dollar. In many families in our society, it’s not just Dad that’s not around for breakfast, lunch and after school – it’s Mom too. In many families, both parents need to work to be able to afford the basics and luxuries of life in 2011.

Sure, there are many parents who are selfish. I have sat at swimming pools and watched the Nanny take the kids for a swim while parents wave from the deck in between pecks at their blackberry. I have written critical pieces of parents, urging us to not be “That Dad,” by turning off our devices and focussing on our kids for few minutes. When a four year old says “do you need to check your Twitter?” when he sees you leave a room with your phone, you know you’re doing it wrong. #guilty

We are a selfish lot, this generation of parents. So I agree we ALL need reminders that our kids come first, but not on Father’s Day Weekend, and not on Mother’s Day Weekend.

Celebrate your Dad today. Celebrate being a Dad today. Worry about what’s wrong tomorrow.

Shower season means all sorts of cucumber sandwiches without the crust will be served alongside diaper cakes and blue or pink martinis.

There’s something to remember when you’re headed to a shower (baby showers specifically) – that child did not come via Immaculate Conception – a man was needed to make this magic happen.

So, as we head into Father’s Day season, it’s time to bring some father friendly gifts to the shower.

Man Cans: Simply put, these are candles for men. They’re available in testosterone friendly scents like bacon, campfire, grandpa’s pipe, and new mitt. The best part is the idea comes from a 13 year old who still makes the candles in his kitchen.

Superhero Onesies: Men don’t understand the onesie thing. We really don’t. My wife says you can never have too many, I’d agree if that meant we could have the entire set from the Justice League of America.

Rock A Bye Baby: Newborns like lullabies to softly drift them off to sleep, but is it necessary that they be so sappy? Rock A Bye‘s discs have lullabied the music of U2, The Beatles, Bob Marley, AC/DC and Aerosmith. Dream on, sweet child o’ mine, dream on.

Be Prepared – A Practical Handbook For New Dads: Sure, mom will enjoy the entire of What To Expect books, but those are a little too encyclopedic for guys. Be Prepared is simply the best book for expectant dads. There’s pictures, the chapters are just a few pages long and it’s written in a language we can understand and put into practice when looking after the new bundle.

LG 55″ LED HDTV: Because no list of gifts for men can be devoid of a big screen tv. Ever. It’s a rule.

Follow @dadcamp

Why is it that parents think they need to bring their toddlers in strollers to crowded public events?

And it’s not just those one child models but many are pushing the SUV models for two or three.

Case in point, the Kitsilano Farmers Market, which opened for the season today. I arrived just after it opened but already, a sea of strollers blocking access to the vendors and being aggressively pushed through the crowds.

What do the toddlers get out of this?

Another group thought it was ok to stand in the middle of the main aisle and have a yak-fest.

It simply pisses off the people who come to patronize the farmers trying to sell their products.

Apart from the fact that Mike is a grumpy old man whose attitude on this board is nothing short of belligerent and confrontational on the sunniest of days, I have to agree with the theme of what he’s saying. Countless times we’ve hit events where kids of walking age are being shuffled around in strollers. Sure, you paid $900 for it, but by the time they’re 18 months, they should be fine walking.

There is an exception to the rule, however. Our youngest, is just 17 months and for much of this spring I’ve felt guilty having him wrangled in a stroller. But when it’s one parent on two kids, they can easily divide and conquer. If you need a stroller in case they get tired, grab a tiny one that won’t get in the way – they’re $10. Or use your shoulders, that’s what dads were made for.

Later in the thread Adam Buckley, another grumplestiltskin, weighed in.

It’s because parents with babies and young children believe they’re entitled to do everything other people are allowed to do. It’s the same with taking their little pain-in-the-asses to the movies so they can cry and ruin it for the rest of the families, or taking them to restaurants so they can do that really loud “shriek” thing that children do (my children will be told once, that if they do that again ,their voice boxes will be removed and not replaced until they’re 20) and ruin other people’s nights out. Dual parent households need to just have one stay home while the other shops, and also realize their social life is over until the kid is either at an age that they can look after themselves, or until they can afford a babysitter. I’m not sure why people believe that their children should equally burden everyone else as much as themselves, but I don’t believe in the whole “it takes a village” nonsense… you were stupid enough to have them, you raise em yourself and in a manner that isn’t going to affect my day.

Once again, great theme, tastelessy written.

We are the ME generation – and it’s time to let go. Things change when you have kids. You can’t bring your toddler to Fast Five (heard a story about it) and you can’t bring your kids to many of your favourite restaurants. Truth is, for a few years one of you gets to have fun while the other stays home, or get a sitter.

Yes, it’s different than what you’re used to. Yes, it sucks. Guess what? It’s your new normal.

Just because we’re breeders doesn’t mean we have to make our choice inconvenient for the rest of society.

It’s like the drunk camping guy. He’s picked so many fights and that booze is banned from many Provincial Parks in Alberta on long weekends. Many of us know how to have a couple beers and keep quiet.

Same goes for parents – many of us realize the boundaries and respect them – it’s the alpha parent that’s ruining the reputation for the rest of us.

Many in the Yummy Mummy Club are wanting to #momthevote by raising family issues in the current campaign. Let’s take it one step further to find out just what kind of parents these leaders are as I try to #dadthevote.

Only one of the federal leaders has a perfect record when it comes to marriages. Ignatieff and Layton are on round 2, Elizabeth May has a daughter, but never married the father, while Stephen Harper’s wife Laureen counts Steve as husband number 2.

It’s only Bloc Quebecois leader Gilles Duceppe who stands alone as the model man of marriage. He and wife Yolande were married in 1978. They have 2 daughters, Amelie and Alexis along with 3 grandchildren Emile, Jeanne and Lucas.

Political blood runs through many of our first families. Duceppe’s dad was one of the founding members of the NDP in 1961 Canada leading Gilles to a politically active life at an early age. Jack Layton comes from a long line of politicians.

His great-granduncle, William Steeves, was a Father of Confederation. His grandfather, Gilbert Layton, was a minister under Duplessis in Quebec while his father, Robert Layton, was a Progressive Conservative cabinet minister in the 80s. Layton’s son, Mike, has even taken up “the family business.” He was elected a city councillor in Toronto in 2010.

While the Laytons live and breathe this political stuff (Jack’s daughter Sarah and his granddaughter Beatrice joined him on stage to open the latest election campaign) Michael Ignatieff’s family tries to turn the other cheek at the dad who might be Prime Minister.

Theo and Sophie, both from Ignatieff’s first marriage, are in their mid 20s and keep a distance from the campaigns.

“I like to keep my children out of this,” Ignatieff told the Toronto Star last summer.

“They do their thing. And I want to respect their privacy. But they’re very supportive. They think their dad’s crazy.”

Ignatieff’s family life is not a shining mark on his record. The divorce from his children’s mother was a public nasty affair overseas and there is suggestion other parties have tried some muck raking to open fresh wounds.

Sophie graduated from the University of Edinburgh last year while Theo lives and works in Toronto. Ignatieff rarely speaks about his children in public, perhaps because of the messiness of the past and because of the learning difficulties Theo lives with that Ignatieff says “impedes his ability to succeed.”

“This is the life I’ve lived. It’s the life that millions of Canadians have lived. It’s very painful. It’s part of our lives,” he told the Star.

Stephen Harper is the only leader still with school aged children. Benjamin Harper, (Yes, the piano playing PM has a son named “Ben Harper”) was born in 1996, his younger sister, Rachel in 1999. As the Prime Minister, his private life is more in the photographer’s lens and he has brought his children along for many official events. It’s not uncommon to see Mr. Harper taking them to school when classes start each fall or sitting in the stands wearing a Leafs jersey in the winter.

I’d tell you a little bit about Green Party leader Elizabeth May and her daughter Victoria, but that’s perhaps better saved for Victoria herself. She penned this piece from The Yummy Mummy Club about her own Yummy Green Mummy.

The span of family experiences our leaders share is a quick look at Canada. There is a first shot at love that has succeeded. There are babies before marriage, stepmothers and bitter breakups. There are those who struggle to get by and those who strive to continue the family legacy.

Love them or hate them, just peak inside their kitchens and look at who sits around their dinner table and you’ll realize that those “nasty politicians in Ottawa” are just like us. They’re moms and dads trying to raise their kids right and give them everything they can to do better.

Yes there is rhetoric spewed on the campaign trail about “working families” and their needs but just look at those thumbnail sketches and you’ll realize it takes work to make every family work – and we always don’t get it right the first time.

Advance polls for the current federal election start to open this weekend. We’re all busy parents, so if May 2 isn’t going to fit in your crazy schedule, please visit the Elections Canada website to find out where the advance polls in your area are and when they’re open.

You can’t #momthevote or #dadthevote if you don’t vote.

A new study asked just that of parents and the conclusion is we’re lying to ourselves to feel better. We tell ourselves we’re happier with our kids – but we’re not.

When parents say their children are the true source of happiness and fulfillment in their lives, they may be enacting a psychological defence to justify all the time, money and energy they put into the job, finds a new Canadian study.
The study, published in the journal Psychological Science, suggests parents are idealizing their role to cope with the downsides of being mom and dad — namely, how expensive it is to raise a family.
“The well-being literature shows that during the years when most people are parenting, people tend to report lower life satisfaction and lower levels of happiness,” said study co-author Steven Mock, an assistant professor in the health studies and gerontology department at the University of Waterloo.
He and colleague Richard Eibach, an assistant professor in the university’s psychology department, set out to “explain the disconnect” between quality of life reports that consistently show low points in middle age and the common assertion that parenting brings all the joy one could ever ask for.
“It’s this cultural idealization,” Dr. Mock said, pointing to previous studies that have found the idea that parenthood is a trove of emotional joys is a myth.
[SOURCE]

I’ve not been shy about admitting that while I love my kids, it takes me a while to actually like them. For Zacharie, it took until we spent a weekend together without my wife when he was 15 months old for me to really appreciate what he was about and enjoy time with him.

Reading it on the screen, it sounds hard, but I’m not going to sugar coat it – my life has drastically changed with children in my life. Making the transition from selfish to selfless hasn’t always been easy for me.

To ask if I’m “happier” with children in my life isn’t a fair question, because I am happy, but it’s a different feeling. There’s a reason I call it babysitting instead of parenting when my wife escapes for an afternoon or evening leaving me alone with the boys.

Now comes the part of the study where I soften my comment to jive with perception that children are wonderful – I wouldnt change a thing. I love my kids. I appreciate the magic and wonder and enthusiasm they bring to life. The adventure of playing with boys is awesome. The sense of pride that fills my life when they crack a joke or conquer a life accomplishment is irreplaceable.

But ..